My Immortal: A Study on Grammar versus Context
by Wagnerlover777
Summary: Hello all! This is a comparison of what happens when you correct one of the worst fanfictions of all time, or at least the last chapter, and what effect that holds on the context. Warning: BAD WRITING! WEAK-HEARTED GRAMMAR NAZIS STAY AWAY!
1. Original Ch 44 of My Immortal plus AN

**My Immortal: a Comparative Study of Grammar vs. Context**

**Wagnerlover7 7 7: Here is the original last chapter of the story 'My Immortal'. If you feel the urge to listen to the Evanescence song while reading this, I would advise heavily against it, as it may subconsciously deter your from ever seeing that band in the same way again.**

**Obviously all credit goes to the original author Tara Gilesbe, as no one else would want to claim it, especially not J. K. Rowling.**

AN: well I hav noffing 2 say but evrt1 stup glamming ok!111 if any gofik ppl r reading dis den u rok!11 omg I stil kant wait 4 da movie!1 tom fleton is so hot lol i hop harry wil bekum gofik koz mi frend told me he iz rlly emo in dis book!1111 omfg im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait! Diz wil prolly be da last chaptah until I kum bak.

"Dat's mi car!" shooted Draco angrily. But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. It wuz...Snape!

"I shall free you Loopin but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads." he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing above us. "Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way must be killed. Den the Dork Lord shall never die!"

"You fucking prep!" yelled Draco. Then he loked at me sadly. "I forgot to tell u, Ebony. Snape made me do it with him. I didn't really have sexx him but he's a ropeist!"

We all put our clothes on quickly except Satan. We were so scarred!1 But Satan didn't change. Instead he changed into a man with gren eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into... Voldemont!111

"I knew who thou were all along." he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. "Now I shall kill thee all!" Thunder came in da room.

"No plz don't kill us!" pleaded Vampire. Suddenly Willow, B'loody Mary, Diabolo, Ginny, Drocula, Fred and Gorge, Hargrid, McGonagall, Dumblydore, Serious and Lucian all ran in.

"What is da meaning of dis?" Dumblydore asked all angrily and Voldimort lookd away (bcos dumblydore is da only whizard he is scared of.) He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily. Volxemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik.

"Oh my goth!" Slugborn gosped. (geddit kos im goffik)

"The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!" Snape ejaculated menacingly.

"You fucking preppy fags!" Serious shouted angrily.

"I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!" screamed Harry but da sparks from his wand only hit Draco's car. It fell down Snap quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera.

"Oh my fucking god!1" I cried becoze the video of me in da bathrum, the video of me dong it wif Drako and the video of Satan doing it with

"If you kill me then deze cideos will be shown to everyone in the skull. Then u can be just like that goffik girl Paris Hillton." He laughed meanly.

"No!" I scremed. "FYI I hav da picter of u doing it with Loopin!11"

"Whats she talking abott?" Lupin slurped as he sat in chains.

"I saw 2 she's gunna show evry1 da picter!111" Harry shouted angrily.

"Shut up!111'" Lumpkin roared.

"Foolish ignoramuses!" yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. "Thou shall all dye soon."

"Think again you fucking muggle poser!1" Harry yelled and then he and Diablo and Navel both took out blak guns! But Voldimort took out his own one.

"U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!111" I shouted despariedrly.

"Acco Nevel's wand!11" cried Voldrimort nd suddenly Nevil's wind was in his hands. "Now I shall kill thee all and Evony u will die!11111"

He maid lighting come all over da place.

"Save us Ebony!" Dumbledark cried.

I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.

"ABRA KEDABRA!11111" I shooted.

**So ends the terrible writing of the original author. I honestly quite hope that she never writes anything again without considerable training in the English language as well as large amounts of soul-searching in regards to her own priorities. Next is my edited version of this same chapter, hopefully improved from this trash.**


	2. The Edited Chapter With the New Ending

**Wagnerlover: Here would be the corrected version of this chapter insofar as I could manage it. Keep in mind that much of the author's own writing was nearly indecipherable, and therefore several of these sentences are an attempt at translating from American Fangirl (Gothic Dialogue) to Modern English. Also added at the end is how the story should have been concluded in my personal opinion, adding a wonderful extra touch of the insane to an already-addled story.**

AN: Well, I have nothing to say but: evrt1 stop flaming, okay! If any Gothic people are reading this, then you rock! Oh my God, Tom Felton is so hot! *laughs* I hope Harry will become Gothic, because my friend told me he is really emo in this book! Oh my fucking God, I'm leaving 'W' pretty soon - can't wait! This will probably be the last chapter until I come back!

"That's my car!" shouted Draco angrily. However, suddenly it was revealed who was in the car - it was Snape!

"I shall free you, Lupin, but first you must help me kill these idiotic dunderheads," he said cruelly from the car as it flew in a circle above us. "Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way must be killed; the Dark Lord shall never die!"

"You fucking prep!" yelled Draco, then looked at me sadly. "I forgot to tell you, Ebony. Snape made me do it with him. I didn't really have sex with him, but given the chance, he would have raped me!"

We all put our clothes on quickly, except for Satan. We were so scared! But Satan didn't change. Instead he changed into a man with green eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into Voldemort!

"I knew who you were all along," he cackled. "Now I shall kill you all!"

Thunder rolled across the room.

"No! Please don't kill us!" pleaded Vampire. Suddenly, Willow, B'loody Mary, Diabolo, Ginny, Dracula, Fred and George, Hagrid, McGonagall, Dumbledore, Sirius and Lucius all ran in.

"What is the meaning of this?" Dumbledore asked everyone angrily, and Voldemort looked less confident at the Headmaster's presence. He quickly cast a spell of unsupported flight, and we were unable to stop his quick escape into the air, his distance giving us slight relief.

"Oh my God!" Slughorn gasped.

"You will submit to the Dark Lord, or perish!" Snape declared.

"You fucking preppy fags!" Sirius shouted angrily.

"CRUCIO!" screamed Harry, but the spell missed and hit Draco's car. It started to fall, and Snape quickly jumped out of it and picked up the video camera.

"Oh my fucking god!" I cried - the video of me in the bathroom, the video of me doing it with Draco, and the video of Satan doing it with…

"If you kill me, then these videos will be shown to everyone in the civilized world. How pitiful to share a fate with Paris Hilton," he stated, and laughed.

"No!" I screamed. "For your information, I have the picture of you having sex with Lupin!"

"What is she talking about?" Lupin slurred, sitting up as he began to recover from the chains.

"I saw it too! She has no qualms about showing it to everyone!" Harry shouted angrily.

"Shut up!'" Lupin roared.

"Foolish ignoramuses!" Voldemort shouted from the air, "You will all perish at my hand!"

"Think again, you fucking muggle poser!" Harry yelled, and then he, Diablo, and Neville took out black guns. However, Voldemort had one of his own, and quickly took it out.

"You guys shouldn't try a stand-off with him!" I shouted desperately.

"Accio!" cried Voldemort, and the three boys suddenly found themselves unarmed – unknowing of the aim of the spell until it was too late. Voldemort laughed. "Now I shall have my revenge!"

Waving all four wands in his possession, lightning began swirling about us, fear taking over the minds of my allies, their eyes save for one pair fixated on their own destruction.

"Save us Ebony!" Dumbledore cried, too weak to do so himself.

I cried out. All I wanted to do was sit back, relax with my friends, maybe slit my wrists while we watched Shark Attack 3 or Saw 2 on the magically powered television set, perhaps fuck Draco senseless as the cries made Harry jealous. But this was not the time for that. This was the time for something more important.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" I cried, and for some reason, my spell, instead of casting green fire, cascaded in a stream of glitter and Voldemort crumpled and fell through the air, landing on the ground.

All of us hastened to him, but we all stared in horror as from the remains of Lord Voldemort stood something that looked like…

"Why does he look like me – but less silver-eyed and pointier?" Draco asked in confusion, and this new Draco sneered at us contemptuously, watching our expressions turn into that of mild horror and fascination.

"Who…what are you?" Dumbledore asked, and this new (was he even real? Was he from another planet?) Draco jerked his head quickly to look at him and sneered in disgust.

"My name is Draco Malfoy. The _real _Draco Malfoy," he stated, and none of us could find the power to open our mouths in argument. He continued, "I was recently informed by several different sources from across the multiverse of this…abomination, by people who were so desperate to destroy this world that they gladly took the time to break my own apparent 'canonical standing' (whatever that is), and force me to come fix the problem."

All of us looked on in shock.

"Why…why would anyone want us dead? You know, except for the evil preps?" Sirius asked, and this new, terrifying Draco laughed sourly.

"The fact that you have to even _ask_ that question should be an appropriate answer. Still, I am rather tired of being nearly groped by several…disturbing version of Potter when I could always just try and seduce the real thing were I so inclined, and these insane people called the 'Protectors of the Plot Continuum' are _constantly _trying to see if I really am _not _a Gary-Stu, so let's get this over with, shall we?"

He cleared his throat.

"So sorry," he said, and opened a can of something and threw it into the air…

Suddenly, I could feel my bones seizing up, the world around me spinning into a multi-coloured array of sounds, the only thing staying in a constant focus being this new Draco. I could see my own precious Draco being twisted by this horrid substance, clinging to Vampire for dear life as his entire figure became lost to the abyss of swirls. I tried moving to no avail, my thoughts suddenly clouded by new rules I had never known, making my thoughts fuzzy…my very ability to form sentences slipping away from me...these rules for language I had never heard about before…

"What…what did you _do _to me?" I screamed, finding my voice to have suddenly lost its old beauty and suddenly sounded like that of a harpy.

Draco smiled.

"I was given a can of Pure Logic to throw into this world," he said, and watched as my face twisted, the beauty…all my beauty…gone.

"That…that doesn't even _begin _to make sense!" I shouted, my voice sounding as if from far away.

He snorted.

"Neither does anything else in this place. Believe me, I've checked. Anyway, Pure Logic in such a concentrated form has just destabilized your entire world, and according to this annoying beeping Muggle device, your world has…oh…about twenty seconds left. Enjoy," he said, and I could feel my pulse weakening, my power fading, and the last thing I saw was Draco Malfoy's smile…from the darkness of the abyss.

**WL7: One has to wonder how this terrible piece of garbage managed its way into the world in the first place…**

**In any case, the study of Grammar vs. Context has closed, showing little to no correlation between the two. Certainly, authors who are better-versed in English are often better-read, and therefore can construct a reasonable sentence without issue, and have a better understanding of what makes a character viable. However, by correcting this to the best of my abilities, it proves to show that even the best editor has no hope of correcting something when it is already corrupted beyond belief. Thank you and good night.**


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